So imagine you’re a burglar. And you rob hotel rooms. You’re doing your thing, and then you realize that you’ve made a mistake. You’re robbing a rugby team. Did I mention a POLICE rugby team? Here’s a couple of burglar jokes for you.

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A burglar enters a house through a window, and hears someone/something say, “Jesus is watching!” the burglar gets nervous and stands perfectly still in the dark, waiting a couple minutes he hears nothing & decides to move.. Again he hears “Jesus is watching!”. he see’s a parrot and asks, “Was that you” the parrot then says “Yes” the burglar, in relief.. asks the parrot, “What is your name?” the parrot says “Clarence” the burglar chuckles, “Who names their parrot Clarence?” the parrot replies, “The same idiot that names their rottweiler, Jesus”
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A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

Update: So I’m doing the entrecard thing and notice that Comedy Plus has the Jesus rottweiler joke up. Looks like she posted it earlier too… Mine came from an email forward without credit, if you look at them the syntax is a bit different. Anyway I found the burglar story and grabbed a matching joke from my archives- I’m backlinking Comedy Plus anyway. There’s another version on the net where the parrot is named Moses, which would have been even funnier. If anyone knows who wrote the original let me know.

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘How many of you have forgiven your enemies?’

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

‘Mrs. Neely?’; ‘Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?’

I don’t have any.’ She replied, smiling sweetly.

‘Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?’

‘Ninety-eight.’ she replied.

‘Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?’

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,
faced the congregation, and said:

‘I outlived the bitches.’

This water skier gets a little more in touch with nature than he planned. Hope he finds that suit. Given the level of embarrassment here, there had to be girls around, that’s the only time guys really screw things up. Well screw up spectacularly.

I can think of two little asses that are going to be in deep trouble really soon- looks like this one was originally on ehowa- Ernie has a kick ass site, you should visit. NSFW, BTW…

Speaking of trouble- I hate Vista. Or to be more accurate, my hard drive, which was getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane by Vista indexing and finally died hates Vista. Standard windows troubleshooting…. reboot, reload. There goes my weekend. Oh well XPSP3 is supposed to be faster.