Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. -more-
—
An American tourist in Northern Ireland:
An American tourist in Northern Ireland was walking down a street in Belfast, all of a sudden someone puts a gun to his back and says: “Are you a Catholic or Protestant”
The American thinks “If I say Catholic he’ll shoot me because he’s a Protestant, but If I say Protestant he’ll shoot me because he’s a Catholic” thinking about it some more he answers: “I’m Jewish”
The man behind him laughs and says “Praise be to Allah, I’m the luckiest Arab in Ireland”
—
Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists
1. How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the “Elk Crossing” signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: “How do you pronounce ‘Elk’?
Park Information Staff:” ‘Elk’ ”
Tourist: “Oh”.
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? more
