So my buddy Chaz and I are sitting around watching UFC (http://www.ufc.com/).  Chaz is a bad dude, 6’2″, 220lb, black belt in Aikido.  Twenty years ago before my waistline hit the big 40 I got a black belt in Kenpo.

We’re watching a tournament elimination, and the quarter finals we were not impressed.

Chaz: I could take that dude.
Pit: Where to the mall shopping?
Chaz: I’m serious, I could beat his ass.
Pit:  He does seem a bit girly, I think you could take him in a slap fight, last bitch standing.
Chaz: (Something that doesn’t bear publication in consideration of the female readership).

Anyways the semis were quite a bit different.  First off, one of the main competitors couldn’t go on due to injury.  They bring in a Kenpo stylist.  Well they said Kenpo, he looked like some guy off the street.  He had some moves I’d never seen before.  He immediatly got knocked on his ass, and instead of getting up, he’d raise one foot, and kind of shake in menancingly.  Chaz coined it the deadly “Kenpo Foot of Death”.  Stay back or I’ll the stink will keep you at bay.  Not an effective strategy.  Another ineffective strategy is kissing your opponent before the bells rings to “psych” him out.  Brilliant plan you twit…Kiss KO

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"Twits in the Squared Circle" by was published on December 2nd, 2006 and is listed in Health.

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