When I was a kid my dearly departed Dad used to drink and drive. He was picked up like three times, but he doesn’t have anything on Henry Earl. Henry has been arrested more than 900 times. He’s been arrested so much he’s developed a cult following on the internet- Fark crashed the sheriff’s server with hits on his record. Get this, Monkey Gumbo has created a script that checks to see if Henry is in jail and reports the status- you can see where Henry is at in the top left corner. Given that he’s spent about 2 out 3 days of his life in jail, odds are poor old Henry’s in the can.
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There’s a guy on a bar, just staring down at his drink. He stays like that for hours. Eventually a big biker comes in, steps next to him, and drinks what he was staring at. The poor man just starts crying. The biker says, “Aw Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll pay and get you another drink. I just can’t see a grown man crying”.
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep, and I go in late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. And the police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in it. The cab driver just drives away. When I get in the house, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about ending my life, you show up and drink my cup of poison…”
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There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. “I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!” Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, “Man, how many bars do you work at?”
