I spent a little over a decade in the Air Force- had to get out to take of a critically injured family member.  Anyway, during that time I learned a lot about discipline, honor and country.  I saw many exotic lands- met a bunch of people, some friendly, some not.  I saw some beautifully executed military operations and one or two clusterfucks.  I once saw innocent chocolate chip cookies slaughtered for no good reason…

I was on a remote deployment in a nameless South American country.  We were there 90 days at a time, a walk in the park compared to what the troops in the sandbox are doing now.  Anyway, as you can imagine, mail is a big deal with you’re out in the middle of the boondocks- and we were no exception.  Understand that this was also a rather hot location- and I’m not talking about the temperature.  We were careful and there were some credible threats out there.  So one day we get an unannounced suitcase on a plane from the embassy.  No labels, just a rather large, locked bag.  We stashed it in a huge tractor tire next to the hanger (let’s just say the airport was rustic).  We called in the host nation’s bomb squad- they X-Rayed it- wires and batteries on the inside.  Shit, this is not good.  They decided to blow the locks off and possible set off a sympathetic explosion if there was a bomb in the case.  Sounds like a plan.  Except the tech who set the charge put a little too much explosive on the locks.   So six of us are standing around holding M-16s, bomb techs with us, standing in a field.  The suspect suitcase was on the other side of a big ass rock.  Tech twists the detonator- we’re all expecting a pop and then maybe a bang if it’s a bomb.  Instead, BOOOOOM!  Dirt, rocks smoke everywhere.  Little bits of paper start raining down- something lands on my collar.  It’s a chocolate chip.  What the hell???  More cookie fragments rain down- someone finds a AA battery.  Something has gone wrong… 

 Turns out our liaison at the embassy decided to ship our mail on an extra suitcase- just didn’t let us know.  The batteries and wire?  Someone had a Walkman in a care package.  Yep, we blew up our mail- and cookies…

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"Chocolate Chip Cookie Fragments Everwhere…" by was published on January 13th, 2007 and is listed in Assorted Twits, Work.

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