—

There’s a guy on a bar, just staring down at his drink. He stays like that for hours. Eventually a big biker comes in, steps next to him, and drinks what he was staring at. The poor man just starts crying. The biker says, “Aw Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll pay and get you another drink. I just can’t see a grown man crying”.

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep, and I go in late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. And the police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards in it. The cab driver just drives away. When I get in the house, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about ending my life, you show up and drink my cup of poison…”
—
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk. The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink. The man leaves. He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer. A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before. The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer. The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar. He leaves. He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him. “I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer! Get out of my bar!” Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, “Man, how many bars do you work at?”

Stick Shift Foils Crook

So a carjacker changes his mind when he sees the intended target is a stick. Apparently he only steals automatics…
“…when he saw that the car had a manual transmission, he said, “Sorry, have a nice day” and took off, Dare said. He did keep the phone and the other valuables, however.” The full story here…

Now there’s a peer review of the shooting of an intruder by an EIGHTY year old retired green beret. Seems Smokey Taylor woke up to someone rummaging through his house. He confronted the punk, who drew a knife, so Smokey shot him between the eyes with a .22. It bounced off, the kid crapped himself and tried to run, but the police caught him. Smokey had some explaining to do to his special forces buddies, on why he didn’t use a larger caliber and save the county the cost of a trial.

A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, “Jesus is watching you”. Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said “Jesus is watching you”. He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, “yes.” He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, “Moses.” The burglar asked, “what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?” The parrot said, “the same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus”.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpGHXKR_R3E[/youtube]