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Going to need some insurance.

Nice work on the smoking ban in Las Vegas.

So I go to button my collar for a party last night and the collar button hole and the button won’t meet.  Here’s an evaluation of the situation missing from mainstream media.  I am not big boned.  I do not have a thyroid condition.  It is not baby weight (what apparently is okay to have [...]

The human body is capable of some amazing things.  Your heart pumps 2000 gallons of blood a day.  Strength and flexibility can accomplish impressive things.  Meanwhile there’s a hotel in El Paso, Texas that will probably have to burn down a hotel room Lope and I stayed in.  There was a horrible sulfurous emission- the [...]

Oh this political correctness bullshit just kills me.   Loopy Swedish women have mounted (yes, I said mounted) a campaign to get Swedish, German and Austrian men to sit while they piss.  Take a look here for the full article, scroll down to Now Sit.  Men pull your balls out of your purse and act like…well…a [...]

There was a time when you could have sex and it wouldn’t kill you.  Worse case scenario, you go get a shot- not so anymore.  There’s STDs out there that you can’t get rid of, and in the worst case get rid of you- so use protection.  Just make sure you use something that doesn’t [...]

So I’m playing the new Family Guy video game and Brian the dog walks by a potted plant, a notes “It’s a full bush.  Man I miss the seventies…”  Boy I don’t; grooming is important.  Most ladies are pretty good in this area. 
http://www.funlol.com/funpages/bikini-waxing.html
But there’s just no way most men would do this- so as a public [...]

So my buddy Chaz and I are sitting around watching UFC (http://www.ufc.com/).  Chaz is a bad dude, 6′2″, 220lb, black belt in Aikido.  Twenty years ago before my waistline hit the big 40 I got a black belt in Kenpo.
We’re watching a tournament elimination, and the quarter finals we were not impressed.
Chaz: I could take [...]

 Ooops
Common courtesy isn’t.  When I was brought up, please, thank you, yes sir/ma’am wasn’t optional.  And any adult could smack you if you were a lippy little bastard.  Apparently there’s just not enough of that going on now-a-days.
I’m in the gym and some fat slob sweats all over the bench.  Huge signs all over- please [...]