The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: “There’s a car [...]

A large corporation recently hired several cannibals. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. You get all of the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.” The cannibals promised they would [...]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, “Dad, what is the difference between potential and reality?” The father thought for a moment and then answered, “Go ask you mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt [...]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?” “Of course. What may I do for you?” “Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I’m afraid they’ll [...]

One Summer a man decided to go on a hunting trip. So he picked up his rifle and set off into the woods. He sees a bear. BANG. Bear goes down, he heads into the clearing where the bear was but no bear. He feels a tap on his shoulder. He looks round, there’s the [...]

So imagine you’re a burglar. And you rob hotel rooms. You’re doing your thing, and then you realize that you’ve made a mistake. You’re robbing a rugby team. Did I mention a POLICE rugby team? Here’s a couple of burglar jokes for you. — A burglar enters a house through a window, and hears someone/something [...]

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘How many of you have forgiven your enemies?’ 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. ‘Mrs. Neely?’; ‘Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?’ I don’t have any.’ She replied, smiling sweetly. [...]

A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every [...]

Dead Dog had a couple of really funny jokes: Rick was in trouble — he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, ‘Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!’ [...]

Get Amused had this little jewel… Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that airplane.” Martha always replied, “I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.” One year Bill and [...]