An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. [...]

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!” [...]

A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”. The Sargent replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and [...]

Drunk people crack me up. THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I’m married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type. 4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I’m not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn’t! No [...]

This guy is not getting along so well with his wife and thinks maybe he’d like to have a pet he can get along with. So, he goes to a pet shop in search of a friend. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t have any feet or [...]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’ Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’ Ms. Brooks had [...]

I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless! One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I’ll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. I asked my old man [...]

A construction crew was building a new house next door to a family. The family’s 5 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on, and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They [...]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read: Dear God, [...]

An elderly man in Texas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a beautiful large pond at the back of the property next to the road, and he’d fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and he’d planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to the pond. One [...]