75 Rejected Wedding Ring Inscriptions

By Will Kinkaid

My wife and I were looking for some ideas for wedding ring inscriptions for our anniversary. Jumping on the web, we found a few on Garden’s web. The ones that made us laugh were:

• Happy now? Good.
• Nonrefundable
• Not for pawning
• Put me back on!
• Race you to the shower
• The toys are LEGALLY mine!
• Why Do You Have Your Ring Off?
• Gotcha

So then I came up with some of my own:
• Cheaper than alimony
• Damn DNA tests
• Game over
• Hold my purse!
• Make me a sammich
• No more diets for me!
• Pull my ring finger
• So can I fart now?
• Stupid condom company
• Sucker!
• The only pussy you’ll be seeing now are my three cats
• Too late for a pre-nup
• Wedding sponsored by Remington
• Maury Says, “You ARE the father!”

Digging a little more I found a lovely list of 300 suggestions by Joanna Cal. While heartfelt and thoughtful, I thought they were missing something- full disclosure. The original sentiment is on the left, my as yet unspoken additions are in parenthesis. I give you 75 rejected wedding ring inscriptions, in alphabetical order.

1. A lifetime is all that I need… (to wreck yours)
2. A Perfect Fit … (until I ate that box of ho hos)
3. All My Heart … (and all my family, including Mom who hates you)
4. Always and forever … (nagging you)
5. Baby, I’m Amazed By You … (that you’re so gullible)
6. Body, Mind And Heart … (I own your ass)
7. Bound To An Angel … (a Hell’s Angel)
8. Burning for you … (or maybe that’s the Gonorrhea)
9. Committed to you … (I should be committed BY you to a mental facility)
10. Don’t Hope, Believe … (I’ll leave)

See the full list here.

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