Laws of the Twit

What is the law of the twit?! To get in the way sir!

Traffic

  1. At 3am, when you go to make a left turn on your way home, there will be one other car on the road. He will time his passing through the intersection so that you have to wait on him.
  2. Twits will space themselves evenly so when you need to merge, there is time to pull out but not join the flow of traffic. Being a decent human being you wait- while the twits continue unimpeded.
  3. The chance that the side your gas cap on will be occupied by a twit at the pump as you pull up is 90%. (This is the result of over a decade of careful testing).
  4. Stupid Plug- Twits will congregate together oblivious to the presence of others in the most inopportune locations- such as right in the middle of airport hallways, freeway on ramps and fire exits.
  5. Be damn careful in front of or behind a twit in the left turn lane- invariably they will have to swing their car half way into the RIGHT lane to make a left.

Banking

  1. ATM + Twit = You waiting in line as they fish out their credit card, look up their pin on the piece of paper, read the screen, make a mistake, etc. It is always faster to find another ATM or GO INSIDE and wait in line than for a twit at the ATM.

Technology

  1. It is not possible to design something so simple a twit can’t screw it up.
  2. Old people + Technology = you waiting in line somewhere…
  3. Self Checkouts are great if there’s not one or more twits in front of you- else you best move on or be stuck helping the helpless…

Universal Truths

  1. In general and on average, People Suck.
  2. If it’s under $20 versus arguing with a Twit, take the $20 fee everytime. You’ll save yourself an hour of pain and confuse the twit.
  3. Blundertow- /bluhn-der-toh/ [noun]- any strong current below the surface which inexplicably, moves twits/obstacles directly into your path.
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